We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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