Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
