Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
