im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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