I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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