she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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