Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
