I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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