i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
