fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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