haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
