there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
