i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
