is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Randomize