So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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