I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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