he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
