what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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