Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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