We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I skipped work to stalk him.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
