dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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