I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You took a bar mat shot.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
