There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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