Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
