I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
