My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Only a mothe r could love this liver
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
