You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
