just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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