Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
