Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Non-Jews are for practice
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Randomize
