It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
