He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
