She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
A bitchslap is in order.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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