woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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