He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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