Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
