that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
