i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
