Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I have aggressive nipples.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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