i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
