the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
