She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
