i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
