I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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