We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
