taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
