Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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