Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
