Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Green mimosas i think yes
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
you had me at cake vodka
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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