Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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