Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
