just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize