You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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