I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
