I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
