best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
