My friends, they love my intelligence
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
