Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
