Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
