Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
