dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
