I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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